|Episode no.||Series 1|
|Directed by||Ed Bye|
|Written by||Ade Edmondson & Rik Mayall|
|Produced by||Ed Bye|
|Original air date||15 October 1991|
Richie and Eddie mind their landlord's shop for him, but end up getting stuck on the rooftop after trying to watch cricket from there.
As the episode begins, Richie is trying to enjoy an English Sunday morning, while Eddie is trying to watch what he believes are pornographic videos. After Eddie has forced Richie to sit down to watch the film, the pair observe that the film is not particularly erotic and Richie suggests that the "Furry Honey-pot Adventure" is probably a kids film. Eddie's other purchases also turn out to be innocent - "Big Jugs" is a history of Victorian pottery and "Swedish Lesbians in Blackcurrant Jam" is actually "Swedish Legends in Blackcurrant Jam Making". Eddie was disappointed that he spent an hour choosing some wrong videos and ruining his own Sunday entertainment. At this point, the landlord Mr. Harrison bursts into the flat asking Richie and Eddie if they would mind his shop, as he must deal with his mother's "stupid bloody funeral!".
In the shop, Richie demands to wear a white overcoat and make Eddie his assistant by wearing a brown coat. But Mr Harrison doesn't have one, so Richie tells Eddie to put his jacket on "back-to-front" so customers can see that Eddie is merely his assistant (there was no "assistant" name tag). Mr Harrison leaves and Richie engrosses himself in the role of shopkeeper, while Eddie empties all the packets of Hula Hoops that Richard repeatedly crushes with the counter flap. Richie goes on bizarre nationalist rants, repeatedly insisting that British things are 'best in the world', and is extremely rude to every customer who enters the shop. First, Richie insults a friend of Eddie's who came to complain that his newspaper was not delivered. The customer wants to take the newspaper Richie is reading and beats Richie's head against the counter when Richie argues with him. (Richie timidly calls him a "thug" after he leaves, to which Eddie responds, "British thugs, best in the world!")
Later, an old woman in the shop hears Richie talking to himself and inquires if he is mad, to which Richie responds by threatening to punch her. Then a doctor arrives to buy three bottles of champagne, but makes Richie angry when he calls him "assistant." Richie is in desperation with the state of the nation when Eddie suggests they go up to the roof and watch cricket. Eddie sets up a bell on the door so they know when people are entering the shop. Richie refuses to watch the cricket because he feels responsible for watching the shop, but then changes his mind when the same little old woman comes back with her big tattooed son who punches Richie in the face for threatening her.
On the roof, the pair chat and watch the cricket game before Eddie hears the bell and goes downstairs to serve a customer. Richie sets a trap for Eddie by sabotaging his deckchair, then he realizes that the roof flap cannot be opened from the outside and panics before Eddie opens the flap, hitting Richie in the face. Eddie then helps Richie to the booby-trapped chair and Richie injures himself further. When Eddie goes down to serve another customer Richie sets another trap with Eddie's favourite sandwich, pickled onion, where the trap door will smash Eddie's head. The plan backfires again and the hatch shuts, trapping both of them on the roof. People start looting the shop and Eddie climbs down the drainpipe to stop them. Richie has removed the string that holds the pipe to the roof, so the pipe collapses to the ground with Eddie on it. Eddie does manage to stop the looting and returns to the roof. As soon as Eddie gets back up, the door slams shut and it begins to rain. The episode ends with Richie punching Eddie off the roof.
|Roger Sloman||Mr. Harrison|
|Michael Redfern||John Cooper|
|Evie Garrett||Old Lady|
|Wikiquote has quotations related to: 'S Up|